Honesty is important.

I'm terrible at spelling, remembering phone numbers, cooking perfect rice, waiting in lines, spreadsheets, gift wrapping, eating milk chocolate, and buying jeans.

That being said, here is a list of reasons why someone might consider me for their post-apocalyptic survival squad:

Can make a matchless fire
Crude flint knapping skills
Robust knowledge of furniture restoration
Knows how to operate an 8-track player
Once actually heard the call of the wild
Can make a MEAN stew
Broad knowledge of Napoleonic warfare tactics
Able to sleep on uneven surfaces
Can make a Largemouth bass taste like chicken
Possesses solid orienteering skills (map and compass)
Will jump into any water regardless of air temperature.
Confidently recognize 3-7 different poisonous plants
Can catch, clean, and cook a rabbit
Has a deep affinity for Russian tattoo art
Will never take the last cookie. Ever.
Cleaned a Johnson outboard motor carburetor
Owns a Vacuum sealer
Replaced a fuel line sensor
Functions for several days on very little sleep
Reasonably fast at digging holes

BlueChew - 2025 - present

The Martin Agency - 2021-2024

Preacher - 2018-2021

McGarrah Jessee - 2014 - 2018

Butler Shine & Stern - 2013

University of Texas - 2010 - 2014

BRAND EXPERIENCE: Geico, Doordash, Skrewball, Fanta, ESPN, BlueChew, Vital Farms, SimpliSafe, Revolver Brewing, Crate & Barrel, YETI Coolers, Lyft, Shiner Beers, Old Overholt, Basil Hayden’s, Whataburger, Costa Sunglasses, Chaco Sandals, Lemishine, Justins Boots, Zippo Lighters, Case Knives, Frost Bank, El Pollo Loco, Merrick Pet Care, Mini Cooper, Roku, Zico, University of Texas.

Info

rileymshine@gmail.com